Yoga of My Own Voice

It has been a long, long time since I've taken a voice lesson. And even longer since I've performed on stage. Four years ago life called me in the direction of starting a family, moving to a new town and getting the Mindful Singer off the ground and that left no time or energy for my own singing. At first resentful of this loss, I eventually learned to embrace the impermanence of life and shifted my perspective to "it's just not my time right now". That softened the blow of not singing and helped me remember that when I was ready again it would be there for me.

The close of this summer has brought about a desire to sort out who I am as a musician in this iteration of my life; as a suburban dwelling parent of two small children with a busy life. It is driven in part by my meditation practice which has revealed the sensation of a block in my throat. The guided meditation that I've done in August is my fall back staple meditation where energy is brought from the crown of the head, down the spine and into the heart center. In the past I worked just fine with it, but this time when I reach the cervical spine area I can't sense anything. Nor can I move anything through it. All I sense is a big, black space that is impenetrable.

I am also someone who believes firmly that to teach you must also do, so just as I engage in my own yoga practice I want to return to my own singing practice to better myself as a teacher. So, I scheduled a voice lesson with my old teacher who was kind enough to let me return after a nearly 5 year absence.

When the dust settled on the scheduling I realized there's definite apprehension in me about singing again. Is my voice gone from years of pregnancy and nursing related reflux? Is the block entirely emotional and the result of pushing my voice aside to help others the last 4 years? Am I just going to open up to my voice and spend an hour crying in her studio?

Yoga tells me those are all options and the best I can do is be present to my emotions in the moment, breathe in and out and accept whatever is. So I'm going to try that. Rather than thinking I'm going to walk in, sing, choose rep. and be off and running on a concert plan, I've identified three things I'd like to get out of my hour lesson. I'd like to get an honest assessment of my voice, a short set of exercises that I can do on a somewhat regular basis to begin to rebuild and know when I'm going back for another lesson. I could do this on my own, but I know myself well enough to know that working with someone else is a powerful motivator and something I so desperately miss.

Send good thoughts Wednesday morning as I delve back into me and see what's going on vocally!

Stilling the Lake of the Mind

When I was doing my yoga teacher training I got to do a weekend intensive with Rod Stryker. It was through his workshops that I finally found some meditations that worked for me (i.e. I did them more than just once and found I actually looked forward to meditating).

In one of them he talks about 'stilling the lake of the mind'. That image worked for me. It helped to imagine my mind as a body of water that is often full of thoughts causing rough waves. Those thoughts prevent me from really seeing or hearing my inner voice which is powerful, but quiet as opposed to my fear voice which hollers at the top of its lungs and makes all the waves to begin with.

What I learned from my meditation practice is not only that difference, but also that when my mind is quiet I can see and hear my true self. My quiet, inner voice speaks what is true in my heart and the ability to express what is in one's heart lies at the center of creativity.

I took the above picture while my family was on vacation in Maine last week. As I looked out over the lake early one morning, I was struck that the stillness of the morning water, before any boats have driven by or the winds have picked up, is exactly what a quiet mind allows. Just as I can see the entire tree reflected in the water, rather than the distorted version later in the day, I see myself clearly when my mind is still and quiet. A still mind allows me to open to creativity and discern what I want to express with my art.

How still is the lake of your mind? If you'd like to learn more about this meditation, you can visit the ParaYoga Store and scroll down to the CD "Meditations for Inner and Outer Peace" or read a description of the meditation from this blog post.

Enjoy!